Pundits and professors who celebrate bullies, takers, and narcissists are exaggerating the spoils and downplaying the harm that assholes inflict on themselves (especially in the long run).
Hundreds of experiments show that encounters with rude, insulting, and demeaning people undermine others’ performance—including their decision-making skills, productivity, creativity, and willingness to work a little harder and stay a little later to finish projects and to help coworkers who need their advice, skills, or emotional support.
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
Be slow to label others as assholes, be quick to label yourself as one.
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Do you feel as if the alleged asshole is treating you (and perhaps others) like dirt?
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How long will the ugliness persist?
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Are you dealing with a temporary or certified asshole?
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Is it an individual or a systemic disease?
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How much more power do you have over the asshole?
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How much are you really suffering?
Up to a point, coaches who expressed negative emotion did spark improved performance. But coaches who were flaming assholes, who had the most extreme outbursts (e.g., intense anger, raging verbal abuse, throwing things), drove down performance.
Two-faced grinfuckers have certain signature moves. They pretend to enthusiastically agree with every decision you make or idea that you have, but rather than telling you when they disagree, they never actually implement the ideas, or do the exact opposite, or intentionally implement the decisions or ideas so badly that failure is inevitable. Then they bad-mouth you and other colleagues behind your backs for your terrible ideas and judgment.